His cologne is Eau D' Freak

or maybe mine is. My friend often jokes with me that I am a FREAK magnet when it comes to online dating. I started this blog to document my journey along weirdo way. The past couple of months has been rather slow on the weirdo range, but yesterday, I received this gem of an email from a gentleman who lives in Louisiana (191 miles away, according to the dating site) He did have Elvis in his user name. Let me just sum up, I am going to be single forever.

This blog post is useless without pictures, but I don't know if it is a violation of copyright laws to post them. However, i am not profiting off them, and I'm just using them to illustrate the story, so I'm including them. Don't sue me. For his sake, I have obscured his face, but you really don't need to see his face to get the idea. The following is his communication to me, verbatim (with my comments in italics and parentheses)

Hello sugarpuss, (WTF, sugarpuss?? that's a term of endearment I've never heard before...and hope to never hear again.) 
I liked your profile and yes i read all of it. I would definitely like to get to know you better. I think that we could become friends if you would respond back. I definitely want to chat with you and I would hope that you arent shy either. I will say a little about me before you check out my profile.

I am a very passionate and very sexual man. (Yeah, I've never met you, yet you're unveiling your freak score on me in the first email!? NO) I have a very high sex drive and i love to kiss. I am 6ft 1in tall, weigh 215 lbs and have BIG FEET LOL(And you know what they say about men with big feet..wink wink nudge nudge. They need big shoes. I should write him back and tell him I have big feet too.) I am a very touchy feeley guy and love the same in a woman. I am much deeper and more is in the profile. We should chat and then you may know how deep i am. Lets chat soon. Hopefully you have yahoo also. Please write back and let me know.

aHunkaHunkaBurninLove (yes, it really said this.) 

Michael (which is my exH's name, so I wouldn't go out with you if you looked like George Clooney, let alone the older, jumpsuit wearing, about-to-have-a-coronary-Elvis)

Photo 1: Is Elvis married? Is that a wedding ring? so not only is he a jumpsuit wearer, but he might be cheating on Ms. Elvis. I wasn't even going to include this photo because he almost looks normal here, but the ring had to be noted. 

Not a bad photo actually, kinda rockin the semi-Elvis TV evangelist plastic ken doll hair, but whatevs...

Oh yeah...Baby you are a STAR!!!!! 

His profile pic, BTW!

 I obscured his face, but don't you love to run your fingers through that thick hair, held together with dippity doo? If that don't work for you, there is an ample collection of chest hair (I don't actually mind chest hair, but this guy is....ick) and what good taste in jewelry! Is he cheating on Elvis by wearing something from the Tom Jones: Live in Vegas collection??