I wanted to learn to blog to start keeping a funny update of my life. On a whim, I rejoined two free online dating sites. Now first of all, my disclaimer is that I HATE online dating with a writhing passion. I am a FREAK magnet. I wish I were kidding. If there is a freak in the tristate area, he's likely to hit on me. Religious nuts? Them too. People who put the grrr.. in swinger..yep, them too.
So, several people have encouraged me to write a book based on my hilarious dating attempts and the plethora of weirdos that contact me. A book seemed like a little too lofty of a goal, so I decided to start with a blog.
I put up a profile, and within ten minutes, I got my first message.
"Hi. My name is Charlie. I saw your profile and like what you had to say." He liked what I had to say, what could go wrong!? Next line: "I will say that I do have a foot-stocking fetish. If this is OK with you, please call me at XXX-XXX-1234." Obviously, I am not going to answer this guy. I wish I could say it was my first foot freak, but alas....Also today, a message from a woman who wanted me to meet her husband. There's so many things wrong with this that I need a whole nother ten pages.
When I logged back on to read the message, he attempted to contact me through the site's instant message feature. "Hi, can I talk to you more about my fetish?" NO, you skeezy ass motherfucker. No, you may not. I said "No thank you." and quickly logged off.
About two hours later, I received a message from this guy again. "What's so wrong with a foot massage? Why are so many women offended by that?"
I sent him a message and told him that some ladies use dating sites for dating. I told him "Suppose you met a woman at the mall. You would walk up to her, ask her her name, and tell her yours. You would NOT unveil your FREAK SCORE on her within the first five minutes of meeting her. Also, you would not chase her down the mall if she rejected you, shouting at her 'Why don't you like me?' or similar." I told him that men seemed to get pretty darned bold because they used the internet and not everyone was looking for a hook up. I told him if he wanted women to like him, maybe he should get to know them first before asking if he could ogle their toesies! He wrote back and told me I was so right! He said he'd still like to talk to me if he hadn't blown it. I decided it was time to block him. LOL
Besides, he seriously wouldn't have been able to handle meeting me. I have size TEN shoes, and you know what they say about women with big feet, don't you? Nothing. They only say that about men...and I don't think it's true that men with big feet are richer because they need to spend more on shoes because of all the leather.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
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